Dear My Fellow Mommy,
Finley Elizabeth Oblander was my first and only daughter. She was not supposed to die. My dream of being a mom and having a baby was erased in the matter of hours. All I wanted was to hold her in my arms, smell the sweet smell of her hair, change her diaper one more time and bring her home.
I just wanted my life back. I never got to bring her home, I never got to put her in her car seat or push her in her stroller. My life was changed in an instant. I did not know what to do with myself when Finley died. I was moving in this world, yet my heart and mind lived somewhere else.
I existed by the hands and feet of so many amazing and generous people. These individuals gave their time, energy, hearts, and listening ears to “get me through.” My friends and family did everything they knew to do to support me emotionally and physically. They physically helped me by taking care of my home and providing meals.
I realized later that others took care of me in such a way that I did not even know at the time. To be honest, they did things I was not able to do myself. I eventually started to seek help on my own when I felt like everyone else was very worn out. I needed help and I needed help badly.
I had to start taking care of my body physically and emotionally because I was really going downhill quickly. I started going to massage therapy and found myself for a brief time, able to melt into that moment. I cried sometimes during my massage sessions, but eventually cried less.
I also started going to one-on-one Counseling with a licensed counselor who made such a difference in my life. He gave me tools to help me take very small steps out. Not so much forward, but just in a different direction, steps away from my grief.
I am writing this to you, my fellow grieving mommy, to let you know that I understand what it feels like to have your entire world changed in a matter of minutes. Whether it was a diagnosis you received months in advance of your child’s passing or a rare situation that took his or her life, we are all needing help.
The situations surrounding your child’s death are unique, but we all share a common thing…we are all hurting. I am here to tell you that you can make it, that there is hope and a future for you and that your baby is proud to have you as his or her mommy.
Take heart knowing that being a part of The Finley Project is a positive step in your journey of grief and making your life and your child’s life have meaning. Your child needs you to live and thrive in this world again and to carry on their name to help others.
I love each and everyone one of you and hope you find that The Finley Project brings you a small dose of peace and purpose again.
I would love to hear your stories on how we helped you. I am always open to hearing from you and sharing with you. Please don’t hesitate to contact me.