The Real Deal on Closure

Finley Burial.jpg

This weekend, I felt inspired, confused and creative all at the same time. Often when my mind does not feel in order, all I know to do is express through art and writing. I needed to write this morning. Something was stirring in me and I needed to get it out.

Here it is. As I try my best to lay it out with grace and purpose, I struggle with the fleshly side of me to just fling my thoughts around on this paper, however I know God has called me to approach this subject with purpose and grace.

People don’t know what to say. Words are few when it comes to loss. Phrases circle around and around, scarcely able to line up and out for fear of hurting the already hurt. The one word I want to shed some light on is “closure.”

I do not share this in hopes of being passive aggressive towards anyone or anything in particular. I have heard it in all different social settings, writings, etc.…It’s a word commonly used when people refer to loss. It’s a word commonly asked in regards to someone’s progress in grief, and for some of us it has major implications.

The definition of “closure” according to Webster’s Dictionary is “closing down, shutting down, shutdown, winding up; termination, discontinuation, discontinuance, cessation, finish, finishing, conclusion, concluding, stoppage, stopping, halting, ceasing; failure”

I am wondering, is anyone thinking differently in using this word after reading this definition? I believe the definition solidifies what my heart has felt when someone asks if I have had “closure” after my daughter’s death. The bubbling up of sadness and deep pain comes when this word juts into view. Closure makes me feel like my daughter must be null and void and the memory of her erased.

Let’s put it this way? Do you have a child? Is there ever a day you stop thinking about them? Hoping the best for them? Wishing the world for them? Hoping their life makes an eternal difference?

That is how I feel about my Finley. There will never be a “stoppage, a stopping, a shutting down” of my daughter’s life just as there will NEVER be a stoppage of your child. Whether a child is still living or not, their existence is forever a part of a parent’s heart and mind.

A child causes a mother to wake up to help other mothers, she allows a father to see the world differently bc he experienced a love like he never had before. This precious gift opens an expanse into a view unlike any other. The word “Closure” makes a parent feel like they are supposed to bury the memory of their child in the four-foot hole they buried their child in.

As I lay this all out, I hope this resonates and reforms people’s thinking of commonly used words in grief and loss. I have never been one to hold back or walk on eggshells with my thoughts. Here it is. My honesty, hopefully sheds light on something and is touted in grace and love, shaping people’s perception and to close the use of closure.

Shannon CalderonComment